The spell of the Handless Maiden is unfolding. My cast is coming off in the morning, and so begins the road to recovery. I will be doing some mainstream hand therapy along with my own set of exercises, dives, micromovements, and a variety of other tricks. A whole team of people will do various forms of their-hands-on-my-hands. I have minimal discomfort and the numbness is already about 60% better. The surgeon told me not to expect full recovery for 3-6 months and I'm already well on my way!
My brother and sister-in-law are coming (from south Florida, where I grew up) tomorrow for a 4 day stay. I'm looking forward to long days of hanging around the kitchen table telling stories and drinking tea. We will most likely venture out to some of my favorite local spots, but I'm mostly looking forward to just being together.
I'm bursting because of the difficulty typing/writing. I'm writing in my imagination, and hoping to get some of what I think about down on paper before it fades away. Please hang in there with me, and give me a few more weeks, and I will have some juicy blog entries. My hands need more rest. Typing is slow and I can't hold a pen yet.
Here is a link to another one of those amazing, informative, and inspiring talks from the TED Conference this year, entitled "Can we eat to starve cancer?"
http://www.ted.com/talks/william_li.html
In addition to Dr Li's list of anti-angiogenesis foods, here's a list of foods that are known to be anti-cancer (for you science nerds, via inhibiting nuclear factor Kappa Beta):
almonds, anise, basil, black pepper, caraway, cardamom, cashews, chili peppers, cinnamon, cloves, coriander, cumin, fennel, fenugreek, fig, flax seeds, garlic, ginger, gooseberry, holy basil, lemongrass, mango, mint, mustard seeds, nutmeg, onion, oregano, parsley, pecan, pomegranate, rosemary, prunes, saffron, sesame, tamarind, and walnuts.
Reference: Aggarwal, B. and Shishodia, S: Supression of the nuclear factor kappa beta activation pathway by spice derived phytochemicals: reasoning for seasoning. Ann NY Acad Sci, Dec 2004; 1030: 434 – 41.
Whip up something with a high "Yum factor" as Rebecca Katz, author of "The Cancer Fighting Kitchen" says. Check out her fabulous book:
http://www.amazon.com/Cancer-Fighting-Kitchen-Nourishing-Big-Flavor-Treatment/dp/1587613441/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274842609&sr=1-1
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
On Ice
My surgery went very well and I am resting comfortably with my hand wrapped in a bandage with a built-in circulating ice bath. Ice water offers fabulous pain relief! The anesthesia hasn't totally worn off yet, so I'm bobbing and weaving as I type with one hand and let you know I'm okay. I’ll be back blogging when I can resume hunting and pecking with a few more fingers.
Thanks so much to all of you who emailed, called, prayed, or did a little dance for me today. There are too many to reply to you all, so please accept my heartfelt gratitude to you all as a group.
Steve is making me laugh & is cooking something with those little green French lentils. Yum!
I spent a while in the waking part of my day listening to more of Clarissa Pinkola Estes' "Theater of the Imagination." She is so entertaining and inspiring. But tonight we will watch a movie that is so inane that I'm embarrassed to tell you. Silly comedy is good medicine.
I'm "on ice" until the dark night of the Handless Maiden reveals its next phase.
Thanks so much to all of you who emailed, called, prayed, or did a little dance for me today. There are too many to reply to you all, so please accept my heartfelt gratitude to you all as a group.
Steve is making me laugh & is cooking something with those little green French lentils. Yum!
I spent a while in the waking part of my day listening to more of Clarissa Pinkola Estes' "Theater of the Imagination." She is so entertaining and inspiring. But tonight we will watch a movie that is so inane that I'm embarrassed to tell you. Silly comedy is good medicine.
I'm "on ice" until the dark night of the Handless Maiden reveals its next phase.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The Handless Maiden Explores A Path To Healing
I am writing this entry on the eve of my wrist surgery, with great difficulty navigating the keyboard. I'm sorry about the lack of entries, but it has been so hard to type with my fingers oscillating between numb and electrically buzzing. My hand is so swollen; instead of fingers I have sausages about to burst their casings. Relief is coming soon.
Many of you have contacted me with all sorts of advice on different therapies and treatments. You should all know me well enough to know that I have tried everything - every form of Osteopathic treatment, many types of massage and tissue release, applying therapeutic lotions and soaking in potions, acupuncture, homeopathy, Continuum, micromovements, sounding, electrical stim, ultrasound, herbs and supplements, Chi Gung, other energetic approaches, exorcism, meditation, infra-red, cold laser, visualization, and much more. This is not mundane carpal tunnel syndrome. This is a situation made unworkable by the tenosynovitis side effect (inflammation of the lining of the tendons in my wrist and the lining of the joints in my wrist) caused by my estrogen-blocking medication. I accept that I need the medication to block the estrogen that feeds the cancer growth, and I accept that I need external help to create some space to prevent nerve damage in my precious hands. I feel confident that this is the right thing to do and that this is the right time to do it.
I am using this "opportunity" to explore the age-old fairy tale of The Handless Maiden. My Jungian friends explain the deeper soul level meaning that helps me transcend the grief of having lost the subtle sensing and depth of my relationship to my hands.
Clarissa Pinkola Estés presents a fascinating analysis of the tale of The Handless Maiden,
"The Handless Maiden is about a woman's initiation into the underground forest through the rite of endurance. The word endurance sounds as though it means to continue without cessation, and while this is an occasional part of the tasks underlying the tale, the word endurance also means to harden, to make robust, to strengthen, and this is the principal thrust of the tale, and the generative feature of a woman's long psychic life. We don't just go on to go on. Endurance means we are making something."
I am making another pair of hands for myself, and this will in turn lead me to a new life. I am being as creative as I can as I dissolve and reform a new body that is capable of carrying me into the next part of my life. I yearn for a rest, but it's not time yet to be done with this enduring.
My surgery is Monday at 9:30 am Pacific Time, if you are inclined to enter the field and send a thought or prayer. Steve is taking me, bringing me home, and taking Tuesday off to be with me. I have people lined up to help me out for several days. I'll have Steve post an entry on Tuesday to let you all know how I'm doing.
Here is a poem that my friend Mary passed on to me that I find profoundly comforting.
Many of you have contacted me with all sorts of advice on different therapies and treatments. You should all know me well enough to know that I have tried everything - every form of Osteopathic treatment, many types of massage and tissue release, applying therapeutic lotions and soaking in potions, acupuncture, homeopathy, Continuum, micromovements, sounding, electrical stim, ultrasound, herbs and supplements, Chi Gung, other energetic approaches, exorcism, meditation, infra-red, cold laser, visualization, and much more. This is not mundane carpal tunnel syndrome. This is a situation made unworkable by the tenosynovitis side effect (inflammation of the lining of the tendons in my wrist and the lining of the joints in my wrist) caused by my estrogen-blocking medication. I accept that I need the medication to block the estrogen that feeds the cancer growth, and I accept that I need external help to create some space to prevent nerve damage in my precious hands. I feel confident that this is the right thing to do and that this is the right time to do it.
I am using this "opportunity" to explore the age-old fairy tale of The Handless Maiden. My Jungian friends explain the deeper soul level meaning that helps me transcend the grief of having lost the subtle sensing and depth of my relationship to my hands.
Clarissa Pinkola Estés presents a fascinating analysis of the tale of The Handless Maiden,
"The Handless Maiden is about a woman's initiation into the underground forest through the rite of endurance. The word endurance sounds as though it means to continue without cessation, and while this is an occasional part of the tasks underlying the tale, the word endurance also means to harden, to make robust, to strengthen, and this is the principal thrust of the tale, and the generative feature of a woman's long psychic life. We don't just go on to go on. Endurance means we are making something."
I am making another pair of hands for myself, and this will in turn lead me to a new life. I am being as creative as I can as I dissolve and reform a new body that is capable of carrying me into the next part of my life. I yearn for a rest, but it's not time yet to be done with this enduring.
My surgery is Monday at 9:30 am Pacific Time, if you are inclined to enter the field and send a thought or prayer. Steve is taking me, bringing me home, and taking Tuesday off to be with me. I have people lined up to help me out for several days. I'll have Steve post an entry on Tuesday to let you all know how I'm doing.
Here is a poem that my friend Mary passed on to me that I find profoundly comforting.
Blessing The Boats (at St Mary's)
by Lucille Clifton from Quilting Poems 1987 - 1990
may the tide that is entering even now the lip of our understanding carry you out beyond the face of fear may you kiss the wind then turn from it certain that it will love your back
may you open your eyes to water water waving forever and may you in your innocence sail through this to that
Friday, May 7, 2010
Cancer & The Environment
I am struggling with painful, numb, and buzzing hands, and cannot write one of my usual poetic, philosophical blog entries, but I had to make this info available to all of you.
I am doing fine otherwise. My monthly check-up at Stanford last Wednesday was "uneventful," which is a dream come true for someone with cancer. My hand surgery is happening May 17, so writing is going to be a challenge for a bit. Please hang in there with me and keep checking my blog. It cheers me up when I log on and see how many people have read it each day (it varies from 35 - 250!)
I am providing you with 2 things: an article from Thursday's NY Times about a report published by the Cancer Panel that advises Obama on health policies. I also pasted a link to the actual report. My friends at Commonweal had a part in this project. Please consider supporting their quest to heal both individuals and the planet: http://commonweal.org/index.html
Here's the actual report:
http://deainfo.nci.nih.gov/advisory/pcp/pcp08-09rpt/PCP_Report_08-09_508.pdf
Here is the summary article:
New Alarm Bells About Chemicals and Cancer
Published: May 5, 2010
The President’s Cancer Panel is the Mount Everest of the medical mainstream, so it is astonishing to learn that it is poised to join ranks with the organic food movement and declare: chemicals threaten our bodies.The cancer panel is releasing a landmark 200-page report on Thursday, warning that our lackadaisical approach to regulation may have far-reaching consequences for our health.
I’ve read an advance copy of the report, and it’s an extraordinary document. It calls on America to rethink the way we confront cancer, including much more rigorous regulation of chemicals.
Traditionally, we reduce cancer risks through regular doctor visits, self-examinations and screenings such as mammograms. The President’s Cancer Panel suggests other eye-opening steps as well, such as giving preference to organic food, checking radon levels in the home and microwaving food in glass containers rather than plastic.
In particular, the report warns about exposures to chemicals during pregnancy, when risk of damage seems to be greatest. Noting that 300 contaminants have been detected in umbilical cord blood of newborn babies, the study warns that: “to a disturbing extent, babies are born ‘pre-polluted.’ ”
It’s striking that this report emerges not from the fringe but from the mission control of mainstream scientific and medical thinking, the President’s Cancer Panel. Established in 1971, this is a group of three distinguished experts who review America’s cancer program and report directly to the president.
One of the seats is now vacant, but the panel members who joined in this report are Dr. LaSalle Leffall Jr., an oncologist and professor of surgery at Howard University, and Dr. Margaret Kripke, an immunologist at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. Both were originally appointed to the panel by former President George W. Bush.
“We wanted to let people know that we’re concerned, and that they should be concerned,” Professor Leffall told me.
The report blames weak laws, lax enforcement and fragmented authority, as well as the existing regulatory presumption that chemicals are safe unless strong evidence emerges to the contrary.
“Only a few hundred of the more than 80,000 chemicals in use in the United States have been tested for safety,” the report says. It adds: “Many known or suspected carcinogens are completely unregulated.”
Industry may howl. The food industry has already been fighting legislation in the Senate backed by Dianne Feinstein of California that would ban bisphenol-A, commonly found in plastics and better known as BPA, from food and beverage containers.
Studies of BPA have raised alarm bells for decades, and the evidence is still complex and open to debate. That’s life: In the real world, regulatory decisions usually must be made with ambiguous and conflicting data. The panel’s point is that we should be prudent in such situations, rather than recklessly approving chemicals of uncertain effect.
The President’s Cancer Panel report will give a boost to Senator Feinstein’s efforts. It may also help the prospects of the Safe Chemicals Act, backed by Senator Frank Lautenberg and several colleagues, to improve the safety of chemicals on the market.
Some 41 percent of Americans will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lives, and they include Democrats and Republicans alike. Protecting ourselves and our children from toxins should be an effort that both parties can get behind — if enough members of Congress are willing to put the public interest ahead of corporate interests.
One reason for concern is that some cancers are becoming more common, particularly in children. We don’t know why that is, but the proliferation of chemicals in water, foods, air and household products is widely suspected as a factor. I’m hoping the President’s Cancer Panel report will shine a stronger spotlight on environmental causes of health problems — not only cancer, but perhaps also diabetes, obesity and autism.
This is not to say that chemicals are evil, and in many cases the evidence against a particular substance is balanced by other studies that are exonerating. To help people manage the uncertainty prudently, the report has a section of recommendations for individuals:
¶Particularly when pregnant and when children are small, choose foods, toys and garden products with fewer endocrine disruptors or other toxins. (Information about products is at www.cosmeticsdatabase.com or www.healthystuff.org.)
¶For those whose jobs may expose them to chemicals, remove shoes when entering the house and wash work clothes separately from the rest of the laundry.
¶Filter drinking water.
¶Store water in glass or stainless steel containers, or in plastics that don’t contain BPA or phthalates (chemicals used to soften plastics). Microwave food in ceramic or glass containers.
¶Give preference to food grown without pesticides, chemical fertilizers and growth hormones. Avoid meats that are cooked well-done.
¶Check radon levels in your home. Radon is a natural source of radiation linked to cancer.
•
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Gentle Re-entry
Returning home from Commonweal (http://commonweal.org/programs/cancer-help.html) today will be the first step of a new sacred journey. This is where the real "work" of the retreat begins. How do I infuse my life with the miraculous unfoldings that began at this retreat? I will need to live into this question and discover the multifaceted answers.
I want to let you all know that I have had the most amazing week of my life. Steve is coming to pick me up today and we will have the 3 hour drive home together to "debrief." I feel quite vulnerable, like a newborn with very thin skin. My inquiry and the revelations of the week will manifest through this blog, but it might take a little while for me to begin "public" writing again. So please be patient, and then wait some more, as an old teacher of mine used to say.
I am getting very serious about my writing practice, and most of my writing energy has been either private or part of something that is not ready for others to read yet. I will be deepening my writing process 2 weekends from now when Deena Metzger comes to town to offer a workshop. If you're curious about who she is and want to have an inspiring evening, come to Capitola Book Cafe to hear her do a reading on Monday, May 10th. Here's the info:
http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/community/eventdetail.html?sid=4892&cal=2&eventid=4bcdee683c
I am so incredibly grateful for all of you who read my blog and have contributed to my healing and well-being with your heartfelt prayers, thoughts, and wishes. I look forward to blogging for you, seeing you, talking with you, and having some big hugs in the not too distant future.
I want to let you all know that I have had the most amazing week of my life. Steve is coming to pick me up today and we will have the 3 hour drive home together to "debrief." I feel quite vulnerable, like a newborn with very thin skin. My inquiry and the revelations of the week will manifest through this blog, but it might take a little while for me to begin "public" writing again. So please be patient, and then wait some more, as an old teacher of mine used to say.
I am getting very serious about my writing practice, and most of my writing energy has been either private or part of something that is not ready for others to read yet. I will be deepening my writing process 2 weekends from now when Deena Metzger comes to town to offer a workshop. If you're curious about who she is and want to have an inspiring evening, come to Capitola Book Cafe to hear her do a reading on Monday, May 10th. Here's the info:
http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/community/eventdetail.html?sid=4892&cal=2&eventid=4bcdee683c
I am so incredibly grateful for all of you who read my blog and have contributed to my healing and well-being with your heartfelt prayers, thoughts, and wishes. I look forward to blogging for you, seeing you, talking with you, and having some big hugs in the not too distant future.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
My Course Was A Great Success, My Book Is Being Published In Italian, I'm Off To Commonweal, & I'm Diving & Rolling With The Tumbling Waves: Life Couldn't Be More Rich!
I have been resting intensively since my return home last Sunday from my amazing course in San Mateo. I don't know how I managed to muster the energy to teach for 4 days, but I did it with gusto. It was such an inspiring course for me, and affirmed my commitment to teaching. And now I am taking a few days to recover.
I had an inquisitive group of 18 Osteopaths who followed me into the depths of the material and then courageously explored their own territory. It is profoundly satisfying to offer the course that I wish I had had an opportunity to take when I was a student.
Three of the course participants were Italian Osteopaths who are involved in translating American Osteopathic texts into Italian. (The other 15 were from all across the US.) They will be translating my book into Italian and publishing it in Italy. They have already done translations of books by William Sutherland, Rollin Becker, and Viola Frymann! I am so deeply honored to be in such distinguished company. I was so moved to meet them and I enjoyed their presence and contribution to the group tremendously. It is incredible to meet people from far away, who speak another language, but who completely communicate and understand the language of Osteopathy.
I am off to Commonweal this Sunday. My friend Mary is driving me up to Bolinas (about a 3 hour drive) and Steve will join me for the grand finale lunch where the 8 participants in the retreat invite loved ones, and then we will drive home together. I am ready to explore my life, health, and consciousness from some new and unexpected perspective. If you are curious about the program, you can check it out at: http://commonweal.org/programs/cancer-help.html
Two of the fingers on my right hand have felt like buzzing sausages for more than 6 weeks, and intermittently all 10 fingers and my palms get numb, tingly, and painful. My oncologist confirmed this week that it is probably a side effect of my anti-estrogen drug Arimidex. Some of the most common side-effects include bone and joint pain and swelling. My pre-existing tendency to have wrist problems has made it re-surface during this vulnerable time. Years ago I chose to give up gardening and other hobbies that stressed my hands, so that I could save them for practicing Osteopathy. But now, the side effects of the medication have caused me to decompensate. I will take it easy, wear my hand brace, and wait patiently until May 17th when I will humbly have surgery to open up the space for my median nerve to function properly.
Life is quite rich. I am learning to dive and roll with the tumbling waves.
ti abbraccio, arrivederci,
Bonnie
I had an inquisitive group of 18 Osteopaths who followed me into the depths of the material and then courageously explored their own territory. It is profoundly satisfying to offer the course that I wish I had had an opportunity to take when I was a student.
Three of the course participants were Italian Osteopaths who are involved in translating American Osteopathic texts into Italian. (The other 15 were from all across the US.) They will be translating my book into Italian and publishing it in Italy. They have already done translations of books by William Sutherland, Rollin Becker, and Viola Frymann! I am so deeply honored to be in such distinguished company. I was so moved to meet them and I enjoyed their presence and contribution to the group tremendously. It is incredible to meet people from far away, who speak another language, but who completely communicate and understand the language of Osteopathy.
I am off to Commonweal this Sunday. My friend Mary is driving me up to Bolinas (about a 3 hour drive) and Steve will join me for the grand finale lunch where the 8 participants in the retreat invite loved ones, and then we will drive home together. I am ready to explore my life, health, and consciousness from some new and unexpected perspective. If you are curious about the program, you can check it out at: http://commonweal.org/programs/cancer-help.html
Two of the fingers on my right hand have felt like buzzing sausages for more than 6 weeks, and intermittently all 10 fingers and my palms get numb, tingly, and painful. My oncologist confirmed this week that it is probably a side effect of my anti-estrogen drug Arimidex. Some of the most common side-effects include bone and joint pain and swelling. My pre-existing tendency to have wrist problems has made it re-surface during this vulnerable time. Years ago I chose to give up gardening and other hobbies that stressed my hands, so that I could save them for practicing Osteopathy. But now, the side effects of the medication have caused me to decompensate. I will take it easy, wear my hand brace, and wait patiently until May 17th when I will humbly have surgery to open up the space for my median nerve to function properly.
Life is quite rich. I am learning to dive and roll with the tumbling waves.
ti abbraccio, arrivederci,
Bonnie
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Connecting More Deeply To Breath
I believe that our relationship to our own breath is so important that a good portion of my book is devoted to the subject. I am always looking for new ways to experience all the nuances of my breath. Fully engaging the breath leads to one very important thing that is both a blessing and a challenge; it augments sensation in the body. That's why we hold our breath when terrified or traumatized. It's a great survival mechanism during an emergency, but I don't want to live my life as if it were an emergency.
When we attend to our breath, we tend to quiet those pesky voices in our head that comment on everything and make us suffer unnecessarily. In a previous entry, "Waiting For Godot And A CAT Scan" on February 9, 2010, I told you that I call the voices in my head, "The Editorial Board." Thinking about the past or the dreaded future usually causes more suffering than feeling what's actually happening in the moment. Breathing is the best way to shift from thinking to feeling. When you take a deep breath when feeling something painful, it may increase awareness of the sensation in the moment, or it may help you relax and cope and make it not seems so bad. The most important thing breathing does is quiet the voices in your head that make you suffer far more than the sensation. When we can't breathe through a medical procedure, it's a good time to choose anesthesia. When you can't breathe through a situation in your life, it's a reasonable coping mechanism to temporarily blunt your reaction to it, but it's not a way to live all of life.
How do I commit to a life of authenticity, of being precise in thinking, feeling, and action, when there's a part of my life that I don't want to feel? If we prefer to live fully, then we must accept the consequences of the whole experience. Sometimes we feel things that are awe-inspiring, and sometimes we have to endure feeling things that we would prefer to avoid. We don't always get a choice.
It's easy when things are going well, but how do I stick to my commitment to live life to its fullest when I am faced with a life-threatening disease, when my future is imperiled, when my material security is at risk of dissolving, and when everyone and everything around me is stressed to the max in order to cope with the unreasonable demands of cancer?
In an attempt to connect more deeply to the healing potential of my breath, I have embarked on learning to play the didgeridoo. It is not only amazing and fun to play, but afterwords, it is incredible to feel the reverberations in my body.
My friend John in The Netherlands plays and sent me this video of a great woman player named Lies Beijerinck:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thQep6kxIOw
If you're interested in more information about the didgeridoo, including the study that was done showing it helped cure sleep apnea, go to:
http://www.laoutback.com/didgeridoo/shop/store2.htm
And in the meantime, if you're not into learning the didgeridoo, perhaps you could sing in the shower, hum more often, or come to a Continuum class to cultivate your relationship with your breath. Go to http://www.continuummovement.com/cm-classes-wkshps.htm to find a class in your area. 2 mainstream scientific studies have shown humming to be as beneficial as antibiotics in the treatment of sinus infections.
Just devoting a moment to noticing your breath will begin to change it. You don't need to do anything fancy - just attend to your own inhalation and exhalation and something will begin to shift and balance.
When we attend to our breath, we tend to quiet those pesky voices in our head that comment on everything and make us suffer unnecessarily. In a previous entry, "Waiting For Godot And A CAT Scan" on February 9, 2010, I told you that I call the voices in my head, "The Editorial Board." Thinking about the past or the dreaded future usually causes more suffering than feeling what's actually happening in the moment. Breathing is the best way to shift from thinking to feeling. When you take a deep breath when feeling something painful, it may increase awareness of the sensation in the moment, or it may help you relax and cope and make it not seems so bad. The most important thing breathing does is quiet the voices in your head that make you suffer far more than the sensation. When we can't breathe through a medical procedure, it's a good time to choose anesthesia. When you can't breathe through a situation in your life, it's a reasonable coping mechanism to temporarily blunt your reaction to it, but it's not a way to live all of life.
How do I commit to a life of authenticity, of being precise in thinking, feeling, and action, when there's a part of my life that I don't want to feel? If we prefer to live fully, then we must accept the consequences of the whole experience. Sometimes we feel things that are awe-inspiring, and sometimes we have to endure feeling things that we would prefer to avoid. We don't always get a choice.
It's easy when things are going well, but how do I stick to my commitment to live life to its fullest when I am faced with a life-threatening disease, when my future is imperiled, when my material security is at risk of dissolving, and when everyone and everything around me is stressed to the max in order to cope with the unreasonable demands of cancer?
In an attempt to connect more deeply to the healing potential of my breath, I have embarked on learning to play the didgeridoo. It is not only amazing and fun to play, but afterwords, it is incredible to feel the reverberations in my body.
My friend John in The Netherlands plays and sent me this video of a great woman player named Lies Beijerinck:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thQep6kxIOw
If you're interested in more information about the didgeridoo, including the study that was done showing it helped cure sleep apnea, go to:
http://www.laoutback.com/didgeridoo/shop/store2.htm
And in the meantime, if you're not into learning the didgeridoo, perhaps you could sing in the shower, hum more often, or come to a Continuum class to cultivate your relationship with your breath. Go to http://www.continuummovement.com/cm-classes-wkshps.htm to find a class in your area. 2 mainstream scientific studies have shown humming to be as beneficial as antibiotics in the treatment of sinus infections.
Just devoting a moment to noticing your breath will begin to change it. You don't need to do anything fancy - just attend to your own inhalation and exhalation and something will begin to shift and balance.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Floating In The Field Of Fabulously Functional
I've gotten so much great feedback on the term I synthesized in my last blog entry (April1), "Fabulously Functional." This is what I yearn to be. Yearning is the voice of the life force moving through us. At least it is for me. I hope it is for you too, because it is the most reverent sensation in the body. If you don't feel yearning, then yearn to feel yearning, and maybe it will come.
I want to float and undulate, to suspend and gain momentum, to move through the nooks and crannies of what physically contains my life, to slow down and be Still. I desire rest, unlimited open attention, and to feel the longing to be fabulously functional in every cell, tissue, space, fluid, and field of my body. "Continuum people" know what I mean, and for those of you who don't, you might want to go to a Continuum retreat or read my book.
This is how I navigate what presents itself to me right now. Many great teachers have used a version of this story. My analogy is not original. I'm in a boat on the ocean, and the boat is leaking. I identity with the water, not the boat. I have much more in common with the water than with a broken-down boat. The forces within the fluids will carry me through this. And I will be with myself, yearning, as we move.
I want to float and undulate, to suspend and gain momentum, to move through the nooks and crannies of what physically contains my life, to slow down and be Still. I desire rest, unlimited open attention, and to feel the longing to be fabulously functional in every cell, tissue, space, fluid, and field of my body. "Continuum people" know what I mean, and for those of you who don't, you might want to go to a Continuum retreat or read my book.
This is how I navigate what presents itself to me right now. Many great teachers have used a version of this story. My analogy is not original. I'm in a boat on the ocean, and the boat is leaking. I identity with the water, not the boat. I have much more in common with the water than with a broken-down boat. The forces within the fluids will carry me through this. And I will be with myself, yearning, as we move.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
When It Rains. . . Must It Pour?
There is a saying, "When it rains, it pours." I'm not sure I agree that a little moisture falling from the sky necessarily predicts more disaster, but I seem to be experiencing a downpour of challenges.
Just as I was feeling better in the realm of cancer, and beginning to use my upper body a bit more, I strained my right wrist while exercising. I'm in the midst of a severe flare-up of carpal tunnel syndrome. It's probably made worse by some of the medication I'm on and treatment I've had. I had hoped that 5 months of not working would allow my hands to have a good rest and heal, but alas, I was wrong. 5 months of not working has left me weak and less able to support my hands in gripping, pushing, pulling, and lifting. I have struggled for so long and (unsuccessfully) tried so many approaches to treatment, that I have to admit that it's time for surgery.
I had nerve conduction velocity and electromyogram studies done today that confirm my situation. It's humbling to be an Osteopath and admit that I have developed an ailment that my body cannot heal without surgical intervention, but that is what has unfolded. I'll probably have surgery sometime in the next 4-6 weeks. Once again, I find myself accepting something I don't prefer and having to make peace with it.
I have struggled for about 10 years with wrist and hand problems. My friend Mike, a fellow Osteopath, jokes about writing a chronicle of our profession entitled, "Disabled Osteopaths I Have Known or Been." Those of us who use our hands all day, every day, for our entire lives often develop sensitivities or chronic problems from repetitive microtrauma and strain. Every occupation has a hazard, and I feel like the rewards of my work vastly surpass the effects of its drawbacks.
Did I work too much? Did I not rest enough? Has cancer or sudden artificial menopause weakened my system? Was I born with some tendency for this problem? The answer to all of these questions is probably "yes" but I will never really know for sure. I am continually reminded of the need to let go of knowing why and just deal with the situation as it presents itself in the moment.
I do know that I want to live a long life with fabulously functional hands, and in order to have a chance at that, I need to intervene and allow a surgeon to give me a little more space inside my carpal tunnel. It's a very easy surgery. It takes 10 minutes. I'll be out of commission for a week, on ice and in bandages. After some hand therapy and more rest for 6-8 weeks I hope to be fabulously functional again.
Just as I was feeling better in the realm of cancer, and beginning to use my upper body a bit more, I strained my right wrist while exercising. I'm in the midst of a severe flare-up of carpal tunnel syndrome. It's probably made worse by some of the medication I'm on and treatment I've had. I had hoped that 5 months of not working would allow my hands to have a good rest and heal, but alas, I was wrong. 5 months of not working has left me weak and less able to support my hands in gripping, pushing, pulling, and lifting. I have struggled for so long and (unsuccessfully) tried so many approaches to treatment, that I have to admit that it's time for surgery.
I had nerve conduction velocity and electromyogram studies done today that confirm my situation. It's humbling to be an Osteopath and admit that I have developed an ailment that my body cannot heal without surgical intervention, but that is what has unfolded. I'll probably have surgery sometime in the next 4-6 weeks. Once again, I find myself accepting something I don't prefer and having to make peace with it.
I have struggled for about 10 years with wrist and hand problems. My friend Mike, a fellow Osteopath, jokes about writing a chronicle of our profession entitled, "Disabled Osteopaths I Have Known or Been." Those of us who use our hands all day, every day, for our entire lives often develop sensitivities or chronic problems from repetitive microtrauma and strain. Every occupation has a hazard, and I feel like the rewards of my work vastly surpass the effects of its drawbacks.
Did I work too much? Did I not rest enough? Has cancer or sudden artificial menopause weakened my system? Was I born with some tendency for this problem? The answer to all of these questions is probably "yes" but I will never really know for sure. I am continually reminded of the need to let go of knowing why and just deal with the situation as it presents itself in the moment.
I do know that I want to live a long life with fabulously functional hands, and in order to have a chance at that, I need to intervene and allow a surgeon to give me a little more space inside my carpal tunnel. It's a very easy surgery. It takes 10 minutes. I'll be out of commission for a week, on ice and in bandages. After some hand therapy and more rest for 6-8 weeks I hope to be fabulously functional again.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I'm Coasting
There hasn't been a blog entry in a while, because there is not a lot to report. I am finally getting to "coast." I need a long stretch with some spacious time to myself to just be in my internal unfolding healing process.
I feel awkward saying that, because I have just announced that I'm teaching in April, not exactly a quiet, internal activity. This is a course I have taught about 15 times. In some ways it will be relatively easy (and inspirational) to teach because the material is part of the fabric of who I am. My ability to do hands-on work with peole may be limited right now, causing my identity as a practicing Osteopath to be in limbo, but I am still able to express my creativity through my identity as a teacher. I have all the notes and slides and written materials prepared already. I was ready to go teach last November and again this April in Belgium, Holland, Germany, and France when I was forced to cancel everything. I have 4 prepared courses that I never got to teach. My teaching is a very internal process, as is the work people do when they attend my courses, so I am looking forward to using the time as a catalyst for a deeper dive into my experience of Health. Taking a long lunch break so that I can nap will help! And then. . . I am taking a long break from teaching. I am not scheduling anything new for a while.
I did get accepted into The Cancer Help Program retreat at Commonweal for this April. I already feel the program "working me" as I percolate into deeper layers of meaning in living with cancer. If you are curious, you can check it out at:
http://commonweal.org/programs/cancer-help.html
I've been blessed with some beloved company. I had friends from Germany visit this week, on their way to the American Academy of Osteopathy's yearly convocation at The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs. I will miss being there this year. It's one of the best "schmooze-fests" to connect with my extended Osteopathic family. It's also the only place Steve and I have ever stayed that has a room with a 7 foot bathtub in which Steve can stretch out! And of course, there is always something to learn while we're there.
This weekend I have my dear old friend Debra, who I met in 10th grade (in Miami) visiting from New Jersey. She is the only person with whom I'm in contact, besides my brother, who knew both of my parents. She has a fabulous laugh and I feel positively 16 when I'm with her.
I keep listing all the things I'm doing and people who are visiting after I told you that I need a long stretch with some spacious time to myself. Somewhere there is a balance of free time and the presence of supportive people in my life. Even with all this activity, I am finding the time to rest and reflect and care for myself.
I have continued to do a lot of writing, but most of it is personal and not bound for blog entries. As I coast and feel somewhat better, I will be making fewer entries. Please don't stop visiting my blog, but you might not find new entries as frequently as in the past few months.
Several people have asked me about what I'm reading. Although I might blog on some of these books in the future, I thought I'd give you the current list of books on my pile and in my Kindle:
Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber
Cancer As A Turning Point by Lawrence LeShan
Saved By A Poem by Kim Rosen
Just Kids by Patti Smith
The Courage To Teach by Parker Palmer
Coming To Our Senses by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Kabbalah of Stone by Irene Reti
I hope all of you are caring for yourselves and finding the place in your life where you can coast. Remember, coasting is moving without the use of effort or power. Where in your life do you have the momentum to carry you so that you can let go and enjoy the ride?
I feel awkward saying that, because I have just announced that I'm teaching in April, not exactly a quiet, internal activity. This is a course I have taught about 15 times. In some ways it will be relatively easy (and inspirational) to teach because the material is part of the fabric of who I am. My ability to do hands-on work with peole may be limited right now, causing my identity as a practicing Osteopath to be in limbo, but I am still able to express my creativity through my identity as a teacher. I have all the notes and slides and written materials prepared already. I was ready to go teach last November and again this April in Belgium, Holland, Germany, and France when I was forced to cancel everything. I have 4 prepared courses that I never got to teach. My teaching is a very internal process, as is the work people do when they attend my courses, so I am looking forward to using the time as a catalyst for a deeper dive into my experience of Health. Taking a long lunch break so that I can nap will help! And then. . . I am taking a long break from teaching. I am not scheduling anything new for a while.
I did get accepted into The Cancer Help Program retreat at Commonweal for this April. I already feel the program "working me" as I percolate into deeper layers of meaning in living with cancer. If you are curious, you can check it out at:
http://commonweal.org/programs/cancer-help.html
I've been blessed with some beloved company. I had friends from Germany visit this week, on their way to the American Academy of Osteopathy's yearly convocation at The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs. I will miss being there this year. It's one of the best "schmooze-fests" to connect with my extended Osteopathic family. It's also the only place Steve and I have ever stayed that has a room with a 7 foot bathtub in which Steve can stretch out! And of course, there is always something to learn while we're there.
This weekend I have my dear old friend Debra, who I met in 10th grade (in Miami) visiting from New Jersey. She is the only person with whom I'm in contact, besides my brother, who knew both of my parents. She has a fabulous laugh and I feel positively 16 when I'm with her.
I keep listing all the things I'm doing and people who are visiting after I told you that I need a long stretch with some spacious time to myself. Somewhere there is a balance of free time and the presence of supportive people in my life. Even with all this activity, I am finding the time to rest and reflect and care for myself.
I have continued to do a lot of writing, but most of it is personal and not bound for blog entries. As I coast and feel somewhat better, I will be making fewer entries. Please don't stop visiting my blog, but you might not find new entries as frequently as in the past few months.
Several people have asked me about what I'm reading. Although I might blog on some of these books in the future, I thought I'd give you the current list of books on my pile and in my Kindle:
Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber
Cancer As A Turning Point by Lawrence LeShan
Saved By A Poem by Kim Rosen
Just Kids by Patti Smith
The Courage To Teach by Parker Palmer
Coming To Our Senses by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Kabbalah of Stone by Irene Reti
I hope all of you are caring for yourselves and finding the place in your life where you can coast. Remember, coasting is moving without the use of effort or power. Where in your life do you have the momentum to carry you so that you can let go and enjoy the ride?
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